{a introspective look}

yes, yes...
another month has passed by. actually more than a month. we are almost to February & this is my first post. sigh.i'm here, taking a look inside myself, needing to vent, and while i type, i'll wait for the Spirit to reveal the truth...so if you dare, follow along.

December was lovely. Christmas was awesome! our very first w a sweet little girl!! my hubby made me some awesome furniture & got me this awesome pillow

                                                          { this is one side }

                                                         {and the other side}

the caption on the web site reads: "this guy wears his heart on his sleeve&only has eyes for his sweetheart"!!
melt my heart!
i saw this lovely pillow at The Nest ~ one of my favorite shops that at the beginning of the year closed up shop. i mentioned the pillow to Ben when it went on sale...i didn't think he would *actually* take me seriously, much less *get it*. he's awesome!! i smile every time i look at it. it's *exactly* what i wanted!

*AND* this is the.only. picture that i have from Christmas. sigh. yep, i didn't get a single picture of Christmas 2011 in the Hutchison home. this makes me sad.

Dec 29, River, our fourth son, turned 5. he wanted to go bowling...which we did as a family & had a great time! SWEET PEA behaved wonderfully, the boys ate pizza, i won the game, etc...
*AND* i don't have a single picture of this special day. sigh. this makes me sad times 2.

the New Year rolled around...hubby & i sat up watching Coldplay on Austin City Limits. it was lovely.
Jan 10, 2012 Gray, our first born, turned 11.
he asks me almost every year to make him a treasure hunt, so that he can search for his gifts...i did. it was fun. i hid the clues in some great places. i don't have a single picture of the moment. sigh. *SAD* SAD * SAD*.

i seriously am feeling like a pathetic mom. i *WANT* to have these moments captured in photo; i know someday i'll forget the details of these days, and a picture captures that moment in time. it helps me to remember. pictures make me smile.
so, lest *ANYONE* think that b/c i have six kiddos, home school, and craft a bit...i.am.not.a.super.mom.

but, i'm *THEIR* mom. i'm *the mom* that the Father appointed for them. i'm present, and i made them feel  special on their birthdays. i'm still a work in progress, and desire to let the Father continually transform me into the mom He's *made* me to be. i fail. but i'm still trying.
i've been thinking about some of my dear friends...you know, those friends that "have it all together".
the friend who bakes & has a herb garden.
the friend who is an amazing, devoted home school teacher/ mom.
the friend who is in great shape & has the body i want.
the friend who has a spotlessly clean home.
the crafty / blogger mom.
all these moms seem to have time for everything i *try* to make time for...

then i hear the truth. i've been listening to the Lie again. oh, that sneaky Lie. it starts off w/ good intention. it starts off w/ innocent motivation. then it goes sour. don't get me wrong. i don't think it's bad to set goals; to be inspired to better myself. i LOVE to surround myself w/ like minded friends who help me strive to be an amazing mom. but ultimately, i'll try, and i'll mess up. rinse. repeat. through it all ~ i ONLY want to hear the Father. to hear the TRUTH. to let HIM change me as i daily try to SEE Him in this beautiful mess called motherhood. life. womanhood.

i think i love that statement. "this beautiful mess" {lyric from Sixpence None the Richer}
maybe i'll rename my blog that. maybe.
be blessed this New Year. May we have the EYES to see HIM, the ears to HEAR truth, and the STRENGTH to get back up, lean on Him & KEEP the goal always in sight of who we *ARE*.